SHAME

Definition of Shame: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.
Synonyms of Shame: humiliation, mortification, chagrin, ignominy, loss of face, embarrassment, indignity, discomfiture, etc.

These notes are from recovery in AA and/or related 12 step programs.
Readers are encouraged to click external links for more detail.
We hope you find them helpful.
Love in fellowship.

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We’re as sick as our secrets.
We keep secret those things that cause us shame.

We may hold onto such things because we don’t want to surrender them. Some of us hold onto the things that cause us shame for another reason.

It’s not that we don’t want to be rid of them; we just don’t believe we can be rid of them.
When we admitted our powerlessness and sought help from others, the burden of our secret was lifted from us.

The same principle applies to whatever secrets may burden us. Yes, we’re as sick as our secrets. Only when our secrets stop being secret can we begin to find relief from those things that cause us shame. –Just For Today | More…

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We cannot hang on to feelings of shame and guilt and still hope to become better people.
We need to take a thorough inventory of our wrongdoings, admit them, make repairs, and let them go.

Often, we believe our shame is greater than that of others.
This belief is usually untrue and grandiose.

It’s part of how we isolate ourselves, we don’t have to face it alone. We have the help of other men and women who can listen to our pain and tell us about their experiences. –Touchstones | More…

Today I speak out. I do not hide what I am thinking. I believe I have something to offer in the celebration of life. And it feels good. My spiritual growth is proportionate to my
willingness to let you know who I am and what I think. –Father Leo | More…

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Healing The Shame That Binds You.
Is a classic recovery book has been completely updated and expanded by the author.

“I used to drink,” writes John Bradshaw, “to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed.”

Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors: the compulsion, co-dependency, addiction and drive to super-achieve that breaks down the family and destroys personal lives.

John Bradshaw has helped millions identify their personal shame, understand the
underlying reasons for it, address these root causes and release themselves from the shame that binds them to their past failures.

Here are six videos (parts 1 to 6) by John Bradshaw on ‘Healing The Shame That Binds You’

John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 1)
John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 2)
John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 3)
John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 4)
John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 5)
John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 6)

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Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs to the perpetrator, not the victim.

Even if in recovery we fall prey to being victimized, that is not cause for shame. The goal of recovery is learning self-care, learning to free ourselves from victimization, and not to blame ourselves for past experiences.

The goal is to arm ourselves so we do not continue to be victimized due to the shame and unresolved feelings from the original victimization.  –The Language of Letting Go / Melody Beattie|More…

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Guilt -V- Shame
Before we realized it was a disease, addiction was actually viewed as a conscious, willful behavior, while addicts were seen as bad people who were selfish and self-destructive.

As a result, people with addiction were punished, which often meant they were imprisoned or confined in asylums for the mentally insane.

Guilt says “I did something wrong.”
Shame says, “I am inherently defective.”

It’s easier to make amends for individual deeds than to overhaul one’s basic nature.
People who feel shame have a harder time committing to change or convincing themselves it would even work.

Relevant Quotes
If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.–C.S. Lewis

Once a man is united to God, how could he not live forever –C.S. Lewis
Embrace your shame and guilt will evaporate. –Inspirations

 

 

 

 

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